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Dias Ex Machina Games • View topic - Great Game Quotes

Dias Ex Machina Games

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 Post subject: Re: Great Game Quotes
PostPosted: Thu Apr 15, 2010 12:45 am 
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GM: “There’s movement in the distance.”
MIKE: “I rouse everybody.”
CONAN: “God that’s hot.”
SCHUYLER: “You see something Lassie?!”

CHRIS: “I pull out my sword.”
SCHUYLER: “…and he bursts into gay…I mean flame.”
(Cam shakes his head)
CAM : “Why do you exist?”

CONAN: “We can open a demon gate…we know how…those scientists on that planet could do it. They told us they could right before they died…”
(A short pause)
CONAN: “Ohh right!”

CAM : “How much?”
GM (as Merchant): “50 gp.”
(Cam rolls Diplomacy. He rolls well)
CAM : “Do better.”
GM: “10 each.”
CAM : “3 for 30…”
(pause)
GM: “….deal…”
(Yet another pause)
CHRIS: “He just said 10.”
CAM : “I didn’t hear that.”

CAM (to Schuyler): “We’re discussing religion with the Muslim Cleric. Want to join in?”
CONAN: “Tell us about Buddha?”
SCHUYLER: “Well, they kicked the Dali Lama out…and…then… China moved in…”
CAM : “Why don’t you worship Llamas?”

CONAN: “Crom Laugh at your four winds.”
SCHUYLER: “My god rules the sky.”
CONAN: “…That is significantly better than Crom.”
SCHUYLER: “It is.”
CONAN: “I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.”

_________________
“I despise stallions. I ride them as I ride an ugly noble women--smiles for appearances and politics only. Stallions. All personality with no depth. They prance like ponies and trot with arrogance. I always say, respect your mules most of all. A stallion may lead with the king and gather the eyes, but a mule will follow behind…and carry your kingdom.”
Tsarevick Kazaan
Amethyst D20
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 Post subject: Re: Great Game Quotes
PostPosted: Sun Apr 18, 2010 11:20 pm 
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Larger, not better, larger!

FIX IT, DAMN YOU!


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 Post subject: Re: Great Game Quotes
PostPosted: Tue Apr 20, 2010 1:06 pm 
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The group is ambushed on a train by a ninja-golem with two blades and a bad attitude. Very quickly, the fight turns bad. The group pushes the golem on a rear train car and detaches the car. The golem leaps over to the group again and the fight continues. The two main fighters are near death. In the back, the druid chants something in secret. The fight continues badly…until a four armed ape creature called a Girallon appears behind the golem, screams, grapples the golem, and jumps off the back of the train. Suffice to say the group is a little…surprised…
CHRIS: “Well…good thing that APE showed up…”
SCHUYLER: “Did a monkey just appear and save our life?”
CONAN: “Fairly good use of Gorilla Mechanics.”
CAM : “Heh, Gorilla Warfare.”
CONAN: “I’ve had enough of the puns.”
GM: “Okay so the two fall off and roll around on the tracks. The ape looks up…it survived…”
CONAN: “Thumbs up—“
GM: “—and then the train you detached approaches from behind…SPLAT!!”
CONAN (eyes open): “…My god is so angry with me…”

GM: “Did you get much sleep last night?”
CONAN (looks up from book): “Hmmm? Cheese?”

GM: “You emerge from the gate and are hit with a crosswind that suddenly decelerates you at 20Gs.”
CAM : “He just got turned into a pulled pork sandwich.”

CAM: “This is what happens when you act like a retard, you don’t get invited to dinner.”
SCHUYLER: “Yeah, I would throw food on the walls.”

SCHUYLER: “I breathe on it.”
CHRIS: “Luckily, it has Damage reduction 10/ Halitosis.”

_________________
“I despise stallions. I ride them as I ride an ugly noble women--smiles for appearances and politics only. Stallions. All personality with no depth. They prance like ponies and trot with arrogance. I always say, respect your mules most of all. A stallion may lead with the king and gather the eyes, but a mule will follow behind…and carry your kingdom.”
Tsarevick Kazaan
Amethyst D20
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http://www.diasexmachina.com


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 Post subject: Re: Great Game Quotes
PostPosted: Fri Apr 23, 2010 10:46 pm 
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SCHUYLER: “I can run as fast as the horses.”
GM: “Not with the Mount Swiftness spell.”
CONAN: “Just cast the spell on him.”
CHRIS: “You can’t. It only works on animals.”
CONAN: “Yeah, cast the spell on him.”
CHRIS: “Animals…creatures with an Intelligence score 3 or less.”
CONAN: “Yeah, cast the spell on him.”
CAM : “You see, that, I saw coming.”
SCHUYLER: “Aha…I run fast!”
CAM : “Oh god, I hit him with a pie!”
MIKE: “I like pie…”
CAM : “…Okay…THAT I didn’t see coming…”

CONAN: “So, I tell the dire bear to charge into the room with the Orcs. When he enters, I cast light on him…It should scare them.”
GM: “How?”
CONAN: “Intimidate.”
CHRIS: “Bears don’t have an intimidate skill.”
CONAN: “Are you telling me they won’t be scared by a giant glowing bear!?”
SCHUYLER: “Oh GOD, it’s the second coming of bear Jesus!!”

SCHUYLER: “These Pagus…are making me thirsty!”

GM: “What would a Kwan cloak be made out of, you think?”
CONAN: “What do you mean?”
GM: “What is it made out of?
CONAN: “Lead…Probably lead…Lead and babies.”

CAM : “I draw a pair of daggers.”
SCHUYLER: “You have pencil and paper?”
(Long pause)
SCHUYLER: “…get it!”
CAM : “OH MY GOD!!”

_________________
“I despise stallions. I ride them as I ride an ugly noble women--smiles for appearances and politics only. Stallions. All personality with no depth. They prance like ponies and trot with arrogance. I always say, respect your mules most of all. A stallion may lead with the king and gather the eyes, but a mule will follow behind…and carry your kingdom.”
Tsarevick Kazaan
Amethyst D20
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http://www.diasexmachina.com


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 Post subject: Re: Great Game Quotes
PostPosted: Mon May 03, 2010 11:38 am 
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SCHUYLER: “I’ll get a Propane torch and burn all your eyes out.”
CONAN: “I'd like to see that.”
SCHUYLER: “You wouldn’t…”
(Conan laughs)
CONAN: “Oh god, I laughed at that…”
CHRIS: “And you can’t take it back!”
CONAN: “I know I can’t.”
GM: “Hah ha, Hah hah—” (stops suddenly)
SCHUYLER: “You get it? Because—“
CAM : “YEAH, NO, we get it!”

GM: “So perform a search check, Conan.”
CONAN: “Hmm? Nikes?”
GM: “There is nothing I said which sounds anything like…Nikes…”

CONAN: “How many are left?”
GM: “Well…maybe 1.”
CONAN: “That’s not a question with that kind of answer.”
CAM : “Is that up to and including zero?”

GM: “You see that locked vase in
the corner?”
CONAN: “Yeah?”
GM: “Open it.”
CONAN: “It…isn’t for peeing?”

GM: “We’ll use a compressed tachyon beam.”
CONAN: “Voodoo…gotcha…”

CAM : “He finally found my dice bag.”
GM: “Where was it?”
CONAN: “Go ahead….tell them.”
CAM : “He found them in his shoe.”
GM: “His shoe?”
CAM : “--Which was in his couch.”
GM: “Why was a shoe in your couch?”
CONAN: “You see, that’s the question people SHOULD be asking!”

_________________
“I despise stallions. I ride them as I ride an ugly noble women--smiles for appearances and politics only. Stallions. All personality with no depth. They prance like ponies and trot with arrogance. I always say, respect your mules most of all. A stallion may lead with the king and gather the eyes, but a mule will follow behind…and carry your kingdom.”
Tsarevick Kazaan
Amethyst D20
Image
http://www.diasexmachina.com


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 Post subject: Re: Great Game Quotes
PostPosted: Tue May 11, 2010 9:29 pm 
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CONAN: “We’re going to change the Kwan class.”
GM: “What part?”
CONAN: "The abilities. Change everything.”
GM: “Oh really?”
CONAN: “Well not really…I just want to take the entries and remove them.”
GM (short pause): “Isn’t that exactly the same thing you just said.”

CHRIS: “Building a black gate is a bad idea. What if demons come out?”
CONAN: “Don’t worry. I can control it.”
CAM : “You can’t even control urinating.”

CAM: “Have you ever walked down wooden stairs with whool socks? It's like slipping and falling on ice seventeen times.”

GM: “That sphere is made of the exact same stuff as the dagger shard you guys found on that planet.”
MIKE: “Exactly the same material, shape, and form?”
GM (Pause): “Well…not shape and form?”
MIKE (Longer pause): “...right…”
GM: “One’s a sphere, the other is a dagger…”
MIKE: “Right…”

GM: “It's true…some groups spelled wizard with a “Y”…Wyzard.”
CHRIS: “It’s a stupid as women who spell 'women' with a “Y”…I just want to smack them. And women who spell it that way REALLY don’t like that.”
CONAN: “Yeah cause normal women totally welcome it.”

SCHUYLER: “They say your porn name is your first pet's name and the street you grew up on.”
GM: “Tiger Tavares.”
CONAN: “Larry Eastwood.”
SCHUYLER: “Barret Gunarm.”
CONAN: “Frodo… Frodo… Mchobbiton?”
CAM : “This is getting more lame.”
CONAN: “Yeah, cause is started out as a masterpiece.”

_________________
“I despise stallions. I ride them as I ride an ugly noble women--smiles for appearances and politics only. Stallions. All personality with no depth. They prance like ponies and trot with arrogance. I always say, respect your mules most of all. A stallion may lead with the king and gather the eyes, but a mule will follow behind…and carry your kingdom.”
Tsarevick Kazaan
Amethyst D20
Image
http://www.diasexmachina.com


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 Post subject: Re: Great Game Quotes
PostPosted: Thu May 20, 2010 2:11 pm 
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Posts: 1284
CAM : “I draw a pair of daggers.”
SCHUYLER: “You have pencil and paper?”
(Long pause)
SCHUYLER: “…get it!”
CAM : “OH MY GOD!!”

GM: “What would a Kwan cloak be made out of, you think?”
CONAN: “What do you mean?”
GM: “What is it made out of?"
CONAN: “Lead…Probably lead…Lead and babies.”

CONAN: “How much noise does a dire bear make?
CAM : “All of it…”

SCHUYLER: “I can run as fast as the horses.”
GM: “Not with the Mount Swiftness spell.”
CONAN: “Just cast the spell on him.”
CHRIS: “You can’t. It only work on animals.”
CONAN: “Yeah, cast the spell on him.”
CHRIS: “Animals…creatures with an Intelligence score 3 or less.”
CONAN: “Yeah, cast the spell on him.”
CAM : “You see, that, I saw coming.”
SCHUYLER: “I run fast!”
CAM : “Oh god, I hit him with a pie!”
MIKE: “I like pie…”
CAM : “…Okay…THAT I didn’t see coming…”

CONAN: “So, I tell the dire bear to charge into the room with the Orcs. When he enters, I cast light on him…It should scare them.”
GM: “How?”
CONAN: “Intimidate.”
CHRIS: “Bears don’t have an intimidate skill.”
CONAN: “Are you telling me they won’t be scared by a giant glowing bear!?”
SCHUYLER: “Oh GOD, it’s the second coming of bear Jesus!!”

_________________
“I despise stallions. I ride them as I ride an ugly noble women--smiles for appearances and politics only. Stallions. All personality with no depth. They prance like ponies and trot with arrogance. I always say, respect your mules most of all. A stallion may lead with the king and gather the eyes, but a mule will follow behind…and carry your kingdom.”
Tsarevick Kazaan
Amethyst D20
Image
http://www.diasexmachina.com


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 Post subject: Re: Great Game Quotes
PostPosted: Sun Jun 06, 2010 9:20 pm 
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Posts: 1284
GM: “You can buy a coupon book. 50 gold worth of savings for 5.”
CAM : “I get one.”
SCHUYLER: “So do I…then I find some hookers.”
GM: “You don’t want to pay for a hooker that accepts coupons.”

MIKE: “When we catch cats or skunks, we’re told to just dump the cages in the water and drown them.”
CONAN: “Oh my god…serious?”
MIKE: “Yeah…”
CAM: “Why not just hit them with a club?”
CONAN: “Cause that’s CRUEL!”

GM: “How old are you?”
CONAN: “100”
MIKE: “I’m like…85.”
CAM : “23.”
CONAN: “23?”
CAM : “Yeah half elves reach adulthood sooner but they age slower after that.”
SCHUYLER: “I’m 9.”

MIKE: “We can teach them how to seed…herd…”
CONAN: “Seed herds….what…plant cows?”

CONAN: “Yes, well, Serenis can feel the dead… well… not… literally… although technically I can’t assume something like that.”

CONAN: “I have been drinking this stuff the Yarix make…care to have a sip.”
CAM : “It smells like them.”
CONAN: “Oh god…what have I been drinking.”
GM: “Spitting helps with the fermentation.”
CONAN: “Ah screw it, I drink it anyway.”
GM: “Yarix coffee…made from pure Yarix manseed.”

_________________
“I despise stallions. I ride them as I ride an ugly noble women--smiles for appearances and politics only. Stallions. All personality with no depth. They prance like ponies and trot with arrogance. I always say, respect your mules most of all. A stallion may lead with the king and gather the eyes, but a mule will follow behind…and carry your kingdom.”
Tsarevick Kazaan
Amethyst D20
Image
http://www.diasexmachina.com


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 Post subject: Re: Great Game Quotes
PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 11:17 am 
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Posts: 1284
GM: “Yeah, Nikita steals five boxes of stims from the medical lockup and leaves a note, I owe you 5 boxes of stims, Nikita.”
CONAN: “I probably spelled boxes with a Q.”
CAM : “Took them all in one shot.”
GM: “He spends the whole evening unrolling every toilet roll on the ship…then re-rolling them.”

GM: “You see dozens of bodies, all stacked.”
MIKE: “Like huge breasts?”

MIKE: “I occasionally check over my shoulder to make sure my mech is still there
CONAN: “Or what, it’s been stolen by space Mexicans?”

CONAN: “We just encountered your people around a dyson sphere.”
GM: “A dyson sphere?”
CONAN: “Yeah…it’s like…ah…kinda like a dome…no…wait…that’s wrong…like a double dome, and it--”
GM: “You mean sphere…I know sphere. I am not hung up on the sphere part.”

CONAN: “Serenis can wear Seiki’s clothes. She is thin and frail. So is the elf.”
CHRIS: “Yeah, sure…it will be just tight around the hips and bust.”
CONAN: “Not so much around the hips.”

GM: “You enter the bridge and notice Isaac messing with their computers.”
CAM : “Please stop unless its minesweeper.”
MIKE: “I think it is minesweeper.”
CONAN: “Please stop. It is an alien computer. It’s not minesweeper.”

_________________
“I despise stallions. I ride them as I ride an ugly noble women--smiles for appearances and politics only. Stallions. All personality with no depth. They prance like ponies and trot with arrogance. I always say, respect your mules most of all. A stallion may lead with the king and gather the eyes, but a mule will follow behind…and carry your kingdom.”
Tsarevick Kazaan
Amethyst D20
Image
http://www.diasexmachina.com


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Great Game Quotes
PostPosted: Sat Jun 26, 2010 9:55 pm 
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GM: “It’s a 1 kilometer climb back up those steps.”
MIKE: “Oh god…I look for an elevator.”
GM: “Roll a search.”
MIKE: “Can I take 20.”
GM: “Yeah.”
MIKE: “I F$%^&@#$ take 20!”

GM: “Well you combine melted butter with white flour—“
CONAN & CAM (fists pumping): “WHITE FLOUR! WHITE FLOUR!”

MIKE: Laser Floyd!”
CONAN: “The power of Floyd, contained in a laser!”
MIKE: “Nothing else could contain Floyd, except maybe a CD.”
CONAN: “Which is released…BY A LASER!!”

CHRIS: “I am blind now. I can’t read or write.”
CONAN: “Like you could before.”
GM: “Then how did I gain so many ranks in knowledge religion?”
CAM : “Phonetically…”

CAM: “It was George Orwell.”
CONAN: “Before or after the giant ball?”
CAM : “What?”
CONAN: “Before or after the giant planet?”
CAM : “George Orwell, not Orson Welles.”
CONAN: “I am so sorry. I can’t believe I just said that.”
GM starts writing the quote down.
CONAN: “Don’t you f$%^#@ dare quote that!”

_________________
“I despise stallions. I ride them as I ride an ugly noble women--smiles for appearances and politics only. Stallions. All personality with no depth. They prance like ponies and trot with arrogance. I always say, respect your mules most of all. A stallion may lead with the king and gather the eyes, but a mule will follow behind…and carry your kingdom.”
Tsarevick Kazaan
Amethyst D20
Image
http://www.diasexmachina.com


Top
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