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Dias Ex Machina Games • View topic - Great Game Quotes

Dias Ex Machina Games

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 Post subject: Re: Great Game Quotes
PostPosted: Wed Jul 14, 2010 4:16 pm 
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CONAN: “I need to look up that spell.”
CHRIS: “Which one?”
CONAN: “Airwolf.”
CHRIS: “I think you mean Airwalk.”
CONAN: “Yes, right, not Airworlf.”

GM: “They offer you a wheel of gouda. Another tries to shove a loaf of bread at you…repeatedly.”
CHRIS: “I accept both. I use my flame touch to melt the cheese on the bread.”
CONAN (Sarcastic): “Look what I can do….WOOOSH! TOAST!!”

GM: “A raven flies into the room and collapses in the corner. You all stand from the table and see the druid changing to human form and rising to his feet.
CONAN (the druid): “I’ve been flying for sixteen days without rest and hardly any food.”
GM: “Okay, Conan, you see them standing before a great feat with dozens of plates of stripped carcasses and empty bowls. Finally, you collapse on the floor.”
CAM (at the dinner table, stands up): “Get this man a ham!!”

GM: “Then comes on the fourth course of the meal, as the servants bring orange sherbet before the coming of the steak.”
CAM: “I need to drink more wine so I can vomit.”

CONAN: “OH MY GOD, I can’t do math”
CONAN: “Why?”
CONAN: “Your defence is 13, My Attack is +6. I needed a 6 [on 2d6] to hit you. I’ve been thinking I needed 8s. I am so f%^&$# dumb.
GM: “Dude…13 minus 6. You need 7.”
CONAN: “Right.”
GM: “So apparently, you still can’t do math.”
CONAN: “APPARENTLY!!”

_________________
“I despise stallions. I ride them as I ride an ugly noble women--smiles for appearances and politics only. Stallions. All personality with no depth. They prance like ponies and trot with arrogance. I always say, respect your mules most of all. A stallion may lead with the king and gather the eyes, but a mule will follow behind…and carry your kingdom.”
Tsarevick Kazaan
Amethyst D20
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http://www.diasexmachina.com


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 Post subject: Re: Great Game Quotes
PostPosted: Thu Jul 22, 2010 8:38 pm 
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GM: “They are dancing on the raised pedestal they had previously used for the monk fight."
CONAN: “MUD FIGHT?”
GM: “MONK FIGHT.”
CONAN: “Thank god, because I would have been SOOO pissed I missed that.”

CAM: “Now you get to raise the dead. That is your special talent. FOR GODS SAKE…SHOW SOME RESTRAINT!”
GM: “Your hobby…collecting rubber ducks and raising the dead.”
CONAN: “You need fighters, just raise the dead!”
GM: “You need help painting, just raise some zombies!”
CAM: “Walking down to get a sandwich…YEAARRRGH!!! Stop with the zombies!!”
GM: “It becomes monotonous after a while…huh, would you look at that, walkin’ dead.”

GM: “Wheland the Whale got disqualified in the competition, so Crowe the cleric moves up by default.”
CONAN: “DEFAULT! DEFAULT! DEFAULT!”
DESMOND: “My people call.”

GM: “They are both competing in the Buzkashi.”
CONAN: “Bulcocky…Ballgone.”
GM: “It’s a free for all.”
CONAN: “Bukkake…”

GM: “So there are humans and another branch of humans call Kurouku, which are from Asia.”
CONAN: “So you have two races, human…and Asian.”
GM: “No…they are—“
CONAN: “Great f@#$%& game! Who do you want to play, human being or an Asian!!!
GM: “There are Asian humans, these are branch-off”
CONAN: “By the way, we have to take our names off the game.”

_________________
“I despise stallions. I ride them as I ride an ugly noble women--smiles for appearances and politics only. Stallions. All personality with no depth. They prance like ponies and trot with arrogance. I always say, respect your mules most of all. A stallion may lead with the king and gather the eyes, but a mule will follow behind…and carry your kingdom.”
Tsarevick Kazaan
Amethyst D20
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http://www.diasexmachina.com


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 Post subject: Re: Great Game Quotes
PostPosted: Wed Sep 15, 2010 12:12 am 
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CAM: "It's amazing, looking at the cylons. It's like there were designed by an 8-year old. They're ten foot tall robots with glowing eyes and machine guns on their arms. I’m surprised they don’t breathe fire."

GM: "And they cheer his name. Kaelub! Kaelub! Kaelub!"
DESMOND: "That’s not me!!!"

SCHUYLER: "I sunder his weapon…I roll a…35…wow…I kill his mom’s weapon."

GM: "Maybe I should go over the other Knights in the competition."
CONAN: "Not necessary. If you say their names, we’ll remember."
GM: "Elanzo Mastiff."
CHRIS: "Yeah…yeah…he’s a knight."
GM: "Maybe I should go over the knights in the competition."
CONAN: "No wait…he’s the horse breeder."
GM: "No…the inbreeder, remember?"
CONAN: "Right, his daughter."
GM: "Maybe I should go over the knights in the competition."

GM: "Mathew, her bodyguard, leads out the pony, which she rides sidesaddle. She doesn’t control the horse…Mathew leads the horse to a run, handling all the chores."
CAM: "I follow her out."
GM: "Very well, you travel at the speed of Mathew the manservant."

_________________
“I despise stallions. I ride them as I ride an ugly noble women--smiles for appearances and politics only. Stallions. All personality with no depth. They prance like ponies and trot with arrogance. I always say, respect your mules most of all. A stallion may lead with the king and gather the eyes, but a mule will follow behind…and carry your kingdom.”
Tsarevick Kazaan
Amethyst D20
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http://www.diasexmachina.com


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 Post subject: Re: Great Game Quotes
PostPosted: Fri Oct 01, 2010 12:28 am 
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CONAN: "(SMACK) Wake up (SMACK) Wake up! (SMACK) Wake up (SMACK) (SMACK) (SMACK)"
GM: "On the fifth smack, he wakes up."
CONAN: "<SMACK) Wake up!"

CONAN: "You are going to marry her."
CAM: "That was not the deal."
CONAN: "Have you seen her…land?"
SCHUYLER: "You could totally plow that land! I would…but I don’t do humans."

CONAN: "This is a Haiku. Cameron smells like hot dogs. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5"
CHRIS: "That’s not a proper haiku, too many syllables."
CONAN: "Cam-ron smells like hot dogs. There you go."
CAM: "Genius. What, that take you like 8 minutes?"
SCHUYLER: "This is a haiku. But sometimes they don’t make sense. Refrigerator."

GM: "After that, she talks about her doll collection, then she moves to ponies. She doesn't know a lot about her kingdom and its history.
CAM: "I mention my home from Limshau—"
GM: "She’s less interested in that, all those book are a little boring. She prefers ones with pictures. After two hours pass, you look at your watch and realize…only an hour has passed."

GM: "You concentrate. You fail to move the stone."
CONAN: "I stop."
GM: "You fall six feet."
CONAN: "I was levitating?"
GM: "Yes…and there is an apple beside you."
CONAN: "An apple?"
GM: "Yes, and a light bulb is missing from the fixture above you."
CONAN: "I can turn something into an apple?"
GM: "Apparently."
CONAN (to Chris): "…Would you like an apple?"

_________________
“I despise stallions. I ride them as I ride an ugly noble women--smiles for appearances and politics only. Stallions. All personality with no depth. They prance like ponies and trot with arrogance. I always say, respect your mules most of all. A stallion may lead with the king and gather the eyes, but a mule will follow behind…and carry your kingdom.”
Tsarevick Kazaan
Amethyst D20
Image
http://www.diasexmachina.com


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 Post subject: Re: Great Game Quotes
PostPosted: Sat Oct 23, 2010 12:38 am 
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GM: "You concentrate…the rock begins to float."
CONAN: "Wow. I set it down gently."
GM: "Okay…you look to the table nearby. There is pie."
CONAN: "A pie."
GM: "A cherry pie."
CONAN: "How did that get there?"
CAM: "Did you create that?"
CONAN: "I dunno."
CHRIS: "Great…he can transmutate."
CONAN: "I wasn’t thinking about pie…well…now I am."

CONAN: "The restaurant was called, I’m not lying, the Meat Chute."
GM: "Wow."
CONAN: "And this is the best part. It's not some reference that it was a Vampire hideout or a sexual innuendo. It actually had a chute to deliver the food."
GM: "Seriously?"
CONAN: "Yeah, he wasn’t smart enough to think of subtlety. It actually had a meat chute. The name was not at all clever."

SCHUYLER: "He had one of those…those…old style blackberrys."
GM: "What? You mean a…palm pilot—"
SCHUYLER: "--Yes." GM: "Oh my god. Did you just say that? Am I that old?"

SCHUYLER: " It's not my fault! My mother was a stable boy and my father was a whore!!!"

CONAN: "I dive into the A-On column."
CAM: "Last time, it tore you to pieces and then re-assembled you. It hurt."
CONAN: "Luckily a year later, I forgot that advice."

CAM: "Your father loved you?"
CONAN: "Did he? He injected me with piss and sent me to hell!"

CONAN: "Earth is full of Angelite. Like Ramkava. They're rocks made of head."
CAM: "Pardon?"
CONAN: "No…wait….heads made out of rocks."

_________________
“I despise stallions. I ride them as I ride an ugly noble women--smiles for appearances and politics only. Stallions. All personality with no depth. They prance like ponies and trot with arrogance. I always say, respect your mules most of all. A stallion may lead with the king and gather the eyes, but a mule will follow behind…and carry your kingdom.”
Tsarevick Kazaan
Amethyst D20
Image
http://www.diasexmachina.com


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 Post subject: Re: Great Game Quotes
PostPosted: Tue Jan 11, 2011 2:03 am 
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Posts: 1284
GM: "Des, anything you would like to add to the conversation?"
DESMOND: "Ummm…. Ummmm…. Yeeaaaaah."

CAM: "Where did you get that scarf?"
GM: "China."
CAM: "I have one just like it."
GM: "Yeah, I heard they export."

GM: "You enter your royal private chamber. You have your high chair, a table, and several chairs around that. You sit down on the royal chair."
CHRIS: "No, I don’t want to sit on the high chair."
GM: "Why not?"
CHRIS: "I don’t wanna sit on the high chair."
ENTIRE GROUP: "I DON’T WANNA SIT ON THE HIGH CHAIR!!"

CAM: "How much for the slave?"
GM: "50 000 gp."
CAM: "Holy @#$%. Do I get anything with that?"
GM: "No…you don’t get Zellers points or frequent flyer miles."

DESMOND: "So I hope this game doesn’t have anything naughty."
CHRIS: "Well…it does have indentured concubines."
SCHUYLER: "What, they have no teeth?"
CONAN: "What?"
SCHUYLER: "Indentured…
GM: "Wow…"

CONAN: "Does the tilen have any useful powers?"
GM: "Like?"
CONAN: "I don’t know…isn’t she like some super woman with magic powers?"
GM: "Not really."
CONAN: "I thought she was an elder, all tough."
GM: "She has spider climb."
CONAN: "That’s it?"
GM: "FINE, she fries people alive with her hex-vision, happy?"
CONAN: "Awesome!"

_________________
“I despise stallions. I ride them as I ride an ugly noble women--smiles for appearances and politics only. Stallions. All personality with no depth. They prance like ponies and trot with arrogance. I always say, respect your mules most of all. A stallion may lead with the king and gather the eyes, but a mule will follow behind…and carry your kingdom.”
Tsarevick Kazaan
Amethyst D20
Image
http://www.diasexmachina.com


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 Post subject: Re: Great Game Quotes
PostPosted: Sun Feb 13, 2011 11:31 pm 
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SCHUYLER: "My character is Russian."
GM: "What’s his name?"
SCHUYLER: "Alexander."
GM: "OK.
SCHUYLER: "Cosmonaut."
GM: "What?"
SCHUYLER: "Alexander Cosmonaut."
GM: "Your name is Alexander Cosmonaut?"
SCHUYLER: "Yeah, it’s Russian."

CAM: "What are you?"
MIKE: "A warlord."
CAM: "Thought you were a monk?"
MIKE: "Nope…warlord, all along."
GM: "Welcome to Fourth Edition."

GM: "They offer to take the duke and his royal guard north in their most exquisitely designed dirigible."
SCHUYLER: "Welcome to Blimp Force One."

DRAGON: "We shall take you north. This blimp is far too dangerous. You can fall."
CAM: "And your way is safer?"
DRAGON: "Yes."
CAM: "Well, what if we fall?"
DRAGON: "Then I’m sorry."
CONAN: "Agreeable terms, let’s go."

GM: "These opponents have to be high. They are 5 th level, 8 th level, and 11 th level."
CONAN: "That's unrealistic. Why can’t we have a bunch of 1 st level guys?"
GM: "Because that would be a 3 hour battle with no XP."
CONAN: "No, that would be a 20 minute battle with no XP.

_________________
“I despise stallions. I ride them as I ride an ugly noble women--smiles for appearances and politics only. Stallions. All personality with no depth. They prance like ponies and trot with arrogance. I always say, respect your mules most of all. A stallion may lead with the king and gather the eyes, but a mule will follow behind…and carry your kingdom.”
Tsarevick Kazaan
Amethyst D20
Image
http://www.diasexmachina.com


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 Post subject: Re: Great Game Quotes
PostPosted: Wed Mar 30, 2011 8:43 pm 
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CONAN: "Be careful, there could be zombies in these rooms."
CAM: "What's the label on the door say?"
CHRIS: "Containment room."
SCHUYLER: "Was it a containment room for zombies."
CHRIS: "Dude, this is a mining station. Why would there be a sign on the door for zombie containment. It's for mineral samples."
SCHUYLER: "You never know."
CAM: "Yes, I do. Mining stations don't have rooms for zombie containment in case of a zombies attack."
SCHUYLER: "I open and go in."
CHRIS: "Zombie attacks you."
SCHUYLER: "SEE!"
CHRIS: "Dude, just because there's a zombie in a room called containment doesn't mean it was designed to contain zombies!"

SCHUYLER: "Maybe you guys should split up."
CHRIS: "Wait…did you hear something?"
CAM: "I think so."
CHRIS: "…Sounded like a bad idea."

CONAN: "Don’t you want to help?"
SCHUYLER: "No?"
CHRIS: "You don’t want to be part of the machine?"
SCHUYLER: "Like the machine that kills children?"
CHRIS: "Good to know you default to that…Not a machine that washes dishes…"
CONAN: "No, No, right to the baby blending machine!!"

CHRIS: "We need a name for our group of techan mercenaries."
CAM: "Something old…British maybe."
CONAN: "Motley Crue."
CHRIS: "Motley Crue?"
SCHUYLER: "Chesterfield Gits."
CONAN: "Iron Wankers."
CAM: "Red Sons."
SCHUYLER: "Sounds like commies."
CONAN: "Baggers and Mash."
CHRIS: "These are getting more ludicrous."

_________________
“I despise stallions. I ride them as I ride an ugly noble women--smiles for appearances and politics only. Stallions. All personality with no depth. They prance like ponies and trot with arrogance. I always say, respect your mules most of all. A stallion may lead with the king and gather the eyes, but a mule will follow behind…and carry your kingdom.”
Tsarevick Kazaan
Amethyst D20
Image
http://www.diasexmachina.com


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 Post subject: Re: Great Game Quotes
PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2011 1:41 am 
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GM: "The bog mother attempts to eat you. She grabs you and grinds you around her mouth."
BRAD: "Oh no, fatty's using me as chapstick!"

CONAN: "I shoot Jed...Natural 20...with a +5 plasma pistol. One sec, I'm rolling for this!"
GM: "You vaporize Jed."
BRAD: "You kill Jed and Jed's next character."

CHRIS: "…Gilgamesh."
SCHUYLER: "You mean the guy from the Smurfs?"
CHRIS: "No, that's Gargamel."

MIKE: "Hey, don't blame me, I never did anything. Actually, I haven't done much period."
CONAN: "So, that's your epitaph."
CAM: "Take that to your grave. Here lies Shadowpool -- He did nothing of consequence."
CHRIS: "Or better still. Here lies Shadowpool...Meh."

CAM: "Did you already eat that entire burrito."
MIKE: "No, I couldn't it was disgusting."
CAM: "That thing was huge."
MIKE: "Yeah..."
CAM: "You saw the light at the other end of the burrito but couldn't make it through."

_________________
“I despise stallions. I ride them as I ride an ugly noble women--smiles for appearances and politics only. Stallions. All personality with no depth. They prance like ponies and trot with arrogance. I always say, respect your mules most of all. A stallion may lead with the king and gather the eyes, but a mule will follow behind…and carry your kingdom.”
Tsarevick Kazaan
Amethyst D20
Image
http://www.diasexmachina.com


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 Post subject: Re: Great Game Quotes
PostPosted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 12:12 pm 
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Posts: 46
Location: Texas
The team is investigating quarantine tents, "Brick," the consummate professional has quietly edged up to the mouth of the tent and quietly edged aside a flap to get a peek inside as his fellows have taken up tactical positions around the perimeter.

GM: There are about 20 infected inside, some strapped to gurneys, but a good lot of them sprawled about the tent, or standing listlessly--none have noticed you.
"Brick": *silently makes hand-signals indicating the team should hold their position and remain quiet, and there are about 20 hostiles inside.*
Anthony: (a la Lassie) What's that, boy? The tent is packed with mimes?!
GM: Roll initiative.

_________________
"Appreciation is a wonderful thing: It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well."
-Voltaire... who, if I'm reading most of the rest of his stuff properly, didn't actually appreciate much.


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