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Dias Ex Machina Games • View topic - Great Game Quotes

Dias Ex Machina Games

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 Post subject: Re: Great Game Quotes
PostPosted: Wed Jul 06, 2011 12:20 am 
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CHRIS: "You see a giant snail with a house atop it approach you."
CONAN: "What the hell is that?"
GRAYSON: "It's PIG."
CONAN: "No, it's a snail. Oh god! I am stuck in a crazy universe where snails are pigs, up is down, cats are dogs!!"

JAMES: "Damn it. I hate these dice!:
CHRIS: "Sure, right, it's the dice. It's not that you're a piece of shit that can't hit anything."

JAMES: "Can't you make this thing go any faster, Osvaldo?"
CONAN: "He DRIVES A SLUG! What do you want from him?"

CHRIS: "What do you want to do with the bodies?"
CONAN: "We should burn them."
CHRIS: "You burn and bury the bodies of the wounded."
CONAN: "You mean burn the bodies OF THE DEAD, not the WOUNDED. I am just badly burned--GET IN THE HOLE!"

CONAN: "What's my ship called?"
CHRIS: "I dunno..."
CONAN: "The HMR..."
RENE: "Puff n' stuff?"
CONAN: "I am not naming my spacecraft the HMR Puff N' Stuff."
CHRIS: "Oh the fear that struck the souls of men when they heard the coming of the Puff N'Stuff !!"

CHRIS: "Okay, there is a fifty foot tall snail sliding towards you. Do you hide or do you stand your ground?"
CONAN: "Are you kidding; I get the hell out of there."
JAMES: "No stand in front—HALT!"
CHRIS: "You are wearing that thermal blanket around your back."
CONAN: "Oh God, I DO have a cape. I'm like Hobo Batman!"
GRAYSON: "Can that be your nickname?"
JAMES: "Batbo!"
GRAYSON: "Hobat!"
CONAN: "YES! I am the Hobat."
CHRIS: "Captain Hobat...Of the HR Puff N Stuff!"

_________________
“I despise stallions. I ride them as I ride an ugly noble women--smiles for appearances and politics only. Stallions. All personality with no depth. They prance like ponies and trot with arrogance. I always say, respect your mules most of all. A stallion may lead with the king and gather the eyes, but a mule will follow behind…and carry your kingdom.”
Tsarevick Kazaan
Amethyst D20
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http://www.diasexmachina.com


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 Post subject: Re: Great Game Quotes
PostPosted: Mon Jul 25, 2011 12:46 am 
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GM: "Okay... Giuseppe, what do you do?"
GIUSEPPE: "Duuumb..."
GM: "Dumb!? That's not an action."
CONAN: "That's not even a VERB!"

GM: "The giant spider pounces on you, Lorne, and you fall back into the water."
LORNE: "Help me."
BRAD: "I want to...but it's gross."

JAMES: "You guys suck."
GRAYSON: "I like socks."

GM: "What's your last name, Giuseppe?"
GIUSEPPE: I don't tell anyone...it's too long."
GM: "We know that's not true since dwarves in this world have short last names."
CONAN: "Probably Dix."
GM: " Gis Dix?"

GRAYSON: "I use my encounter!"
CONAN: "Why?"
GRAYSON: "Is it the end of the encounter?"
GM: "Most likely."
CONAN: "Why are you using your encounter? It's one wolf. It'll be dead this round."
GRAYSON: "Cause the GM just said it's the end of the encounter."
GM: "You trust me?"
GRAYSON: "Sigh."
CONAN: "You haven't learned...it's HIM versus US!"

_________________
“I despise stallions. I ride them as I ride an ugly noble women--smiles for appearances and politics only. Stallions. All personality with no depth. They prance like ponies and trot with arrogance. I always say, respect your mules most of all. A stallion may lead with the king and gather the eyes, but a mule will follow behind…and carry your kingdom.”
Tsarevick Kazaan
Amethyst D20
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http://www.diasexmachina.com


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 Post subject: Re: Great Game Quotes
PostPosted: Wed Sep 07, 2011 1:53 pm 
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GIUSEPPE : "I try to move the stone."
GM: "Roll Strength."
GIUSEPPE : "15."
GM: "Not enough, Tanya, gain a +2 from Giuseppe's help."
TANJAIX: "12."
GM: "Not enough, Kitt, gain a +4 from these two's help."
KITT: "15."
GM: "Not enough, Lorne—"
LORNE: "Can I use a lever? Use my Engineer skill."
GM: "Roll."
LORNE: "25!"
GM: "You figure out how to use a lever and you move the stone."
LORNE: "Hah! You're all &%$#@ savages!
GM: "Congratulation on figuring something that would have taken a 3rd grader about 5 seconds."

GM: "You find two bags laced together. You feel coins clanking inside. They are actually made of goblin scrota."
TANJAIX: "Awesome."
GRAYSON: "Wow...a real pouch."
GM: "And it's even hairy."
LORNE: "That's awkward. What's inside them?"
GM: "You open them up—"
LORNE: "I turn my back—"
TANJAIX: "Whatever. I've cut some sacks before."
GM: "You find 200 gp"
LORNE: "Wow—"
GM: "And 4 gems."
LORNE: "HOW BIG ARE THESE NUTS?"

GRAYSON: "Can I avoid the water, keep to the wall and make it to dry land?"
GM: "Sure...roll Acrobatics."
GRAYSON: "23."
GM: "Wow...you make it...with grace."
RENE: "23? What's your Dex?"
GRAYSON: "15, but I have a +8."
RENE: "Holy hell."
TANJAIX: "Isn't it funny that the four foot something, 200 lbs dwarf is the most agile one here?"
LORNE: "You think so huh? Oh just you wait!"
GM: "Ok Lorne, your go, you want to make an Acrobatics roll?"
LORNE (rolls a 1): "11."
GM: "You're in the water."
(Everyone laughs)
GRAYSON: "The best part is your smack talking before you rolled the one!"

_________________
“I despise stallions. I ride them as I ride an ugly noble women--smiles for appearances and politics only. Stallions. All personality with no depth. They prance like ponies and trot with arrogance. I always say, respect your mules most of all. A stallion may lead with the king and gather the eyes, but a mule will follow behind…and carry your kingdom.”
Tsarevick Kazaan
Amethyst D20
Image
http://www.diasexmachina.com


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 Post subject: Re: Great Game Quotes
PostPosted: Wed Oct 05, 2011 12:04 pm 
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CONAN: "We can theoretically make this prisoner's death really slow and really painful. He might change his mind about talking."
GRAYSON: "Noooo, that'll take time."
(Everyone laughs)
CONAN: "Not against it on a moral basis; he's just really lazy!"
GM (imitating): "I'm too lazy to hurt you.
BRAD (imitating): "Giuseppe, torture him. I don't wannnaaaaa!"
RENE: "Hey, Conan, there is molten silver down there to make silver bullets. Get a bag."
CONAN: "Why would I want to make bullets from molten silver?"
RENE: "It's safe to assume you would eventually cool this silver."
CONAN: "Yeah, but I don't keep bullet forms with me! I'm not going to shoot monsters with solid cash! Why in the world would I carry around a bag of molten silver?"
GM: "Ok...throughout all of this, you failed to acknowledge the fact that you can't have a sack filled with molten silver. Either you'll have a bag with a hole in it or you'll have a solid chunk of silver."
CONAN: "No, I can."
GM: "It's not mercury. You're talking absolute shit again."

GRAYSON: "Let's break the seal."
CONAN: "What, no."
GRAYSON: "Why...the answers are in there."
CONAN: "It says 'Demon Forge Below' on it."
GRAYSON: "Yeah...It's an adventure."
GM: "No...An adventure is going to Cuba!"
GRAYSON: "This is why we are here."
RENE: "The seal is five tones. So we'll lift it up, if there's anything in there, since it can't lift this seal on its own, we should be able to take it."
GM: "Oh...so your entire grading system is that it's not strong enough to lift a slab. That's it. You gauge all monsters by their capacity to lift a 5-ton slab. If it can, you avoid it; if it can't, you attack...It doesn't matter if it has fifteen arms with fifteen swords, and can fly!"

_________________
“I despise stallions. I ride them as I ride an ugly noble women--smiles for appearances and politics only. Stallions. All personality with no depth. They prance like ponies and trot with arrogance. I always say, respect your mules most of all. A stallion may lead with the king and gather the eyes, but a mule will follow behind…and carry your kingdom.”
Tsarevick Kazaan
Amethyst D20
Image
http://www.diasexmachina.com


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 Post subject: Re: Great Game Quotes
PostPosted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 9:11 pm 
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Posts: 1284
GM: "So you guys want to sell your treasure. You get full value for your gems."
CONAN: Actually, I think it's only half.
BRAD: "Thanks asshole. Anything else you want to ruin for me? You already screwed our experience. I am going to throw his ammunition overboard."

BRAD: "I didn't want to tell you...without an AUDIENCE...but you stink!!"

GM: "You turn the shower on and the water's freezing. Your testicles fire so far up your body, they get wedged in your nostrils."

GM: "A giant demon rises before you."
CONAN: "Run."
BRAD: "I don't, because if I follow him, I'll slip in his vagina juice."
GRAYSON: "I will stand by you."
BRAD: "Good, 'cause I thought I was dead with fagnuts running away."

GM: "Both of you guys are hit with books."
GRAYSON: "What?"
RENE: "There a books flying around."
GM: "Yes...another one flies out and hits Conan."
CONAN: "Hell with this; I leave the room."
GRAYSON: "We need to open this door. I stay in and unlock the door."
GM: "OK...you're hit with a book."
GRAYSON: Screw you random room.
GM: "Hey...the book your hit with is worth 10 gp."
GRAYSON: "Ohh, keep it."
GM: "And Rene is hit with a book for 2 points of damage."
RENE: "Screw this!"
GM: "The door unlocks."
GRAYSON: "Open it. What's on the other side?"
GM: "Oh great, more books."
CONAN: "Yeah! Books!"
GM: "A golem made of books."
CONAN: "Book Golem! "REEEEAAADD!! I'M MADE OF ALGEBRA!"
GM: "KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!!"

_________________
“I despise stallions. I ride them as I ride an ugly noble women--smiles for appearances and politics only. Stallions. All personality with no depth. They prance like ponies and trot with arrogance. I always say, respect your mules most of all. A stallion may lead with the king and gather the eyes, but a mule will follow behind…and carry your kingdom.”
Tsarevick Kazaan
Amethyst D20
Image
http://www.diasexmachina.com


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 Post subject: Re: Great Game Quotes
PostPosted: Sun Oct 16, 2011 4:50 pm 
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Posts: 106
(I bit of background, I am running a special ops mission in Western Sahara they are looking for a weapons supplier for information and weapon upgrades.)

Cpl. Stalone: (in a Russian accent) What can you do to this? *dropping the RPK on the counter*

Aussie Gun Store Owner: *looks at it quizzically* "Well I could put a knife on it mate!"


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 Post subject: Re: Great Game Quotes
PostPosted: Fri Jan 13, 2012 12:27 am 
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JAMES: "Usually members of Sodality aren't nice people."
CONAN: "Who the hell is Sodality?"
GRAYSON: "Wandering Gypsies."
JAMES: "Thieves, slavers, and rapists."
MIKE: "Wrong!!"
(Long pause)
JAMES: "...Really...wow...thank you, really turned my head with that counter argument! I must have been mistaken."

CONAN: "I need someone to fix my shoes."
GM: "Cobbler."
CONAN: "Gobbler."
GM: "No, a COBBLER."
CONAN: "Oh...I get a shoesmith."

CONAN: "I let my hat hang behind me from the strap."
GM: "The neck strap? Your hat is massive. It weighs like five pounds. It's cutting the circulation in your neck."
CONAN: "Like being choked by a weak midget."

BRAD: "For my rogue, because I'm a redcap, I buy a red scarf and tie it up like..."
CONAN: "...like a pirate?"
BRAD: "No, like those women wearing those headband thingees."
GM: "Oh, like a kerchief."
CONAN: "Like Aunt Jemima."
BRAD: "When I go into battle mode."
CONAN: "Oh...Battle Jemima. Battle Jemima DEPLOY!! Firing pancakes!"

GM: "Well, you are the leader."
JAMES: "Wait...I'm THE LEADER? Why didn't anyone tell me?"
GM: "No...You're right. The twelve year old rogue or the retarded dwarf is in charge!

_________________
“I despise stallions. I ride them as I ride an ugly noble women--smiles for appearances and politics only. Stallions. All personality with no depth. They prance like ponies and trot with arrogance. I always say, respect your mules most of all. A stallion may lead with the king and gather the eyes, but a mule will follow behind…and carry your kingdom.”
Tsarevick Kazaan
Amethyst D20
Image
http://www.diasexmachina.com


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 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Great Game Quotes
PostPosted: Mon Mar 05, 2012 11:20 pm 
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Posts: 1284
CONAN: "I need someone to fix my shoes."
GM: "Cobbler."
CONAN: "Gobbler."
GM: "No, a COBBLER."
CONAN: "Oh...I get a shoe smith."

CONAN: "I let my hat hang behind me from the strap."
GM: "The neck strap? Your hat weighs like five pounds. It's cutting the circulation in your neck."
CONAN: "Like being choked by a weak midget."

BRAD: "For my rogue, because I'm a redcap, I buy a red scarf and tie it up like..."
GRAYSON: "...like a pirate?"
BRAD: "No, like those women wearing those headband thingies."
JAMES: "Oh like a kerchief."
CONAN: "Like Aunt Jemima."
BRAD: "When I go into battle mode."
GRAYSON: "Oh...Battle Jemima."
CONAN: "Battle Jemima DEPLOY!! Firing pancakes!"

GM: "Well, you are the leader."
JAMES: "Wait...I'm THE LEADER? Why didn't anyone tell me?"
CONAN: "No...You're right. The twelve year old rogue or the retarded dwarf is in charge!"

_________________
“I despise stallions. I ride them as I ride an ugly noble women--smiles for appearances and politics only. Stallions. All personality with no depth. They prance like ponies and trot with arrogance. I always say, respect your mules most of all. A stallion may lead with the king and gather the eyes, but a mule will follow behind…and carry your kingdom.”
Tsarevick Kazaan
Amethyst D20
Image
http://www.diasexmachina.com


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 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Great Game Quotes
PostPosted: Thu Mar 22, 2012 4:42 pm 
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Posts: 1284
RENE: "Usually members of Sodality aren't nice people."
CONAN: "Who the hell is Sodality?"
BRAD: "Wandering gypsies."
GRAYSON: "Thieves, slavers, and rapists—"
MIKE: "Wrong!!"
(Long pause)
BRAD: "Really... wow... thanks... you really turned my head with that counter argument!
GRAYSON: "I must have been mistaken."

GM: "You are…?"
GRAYSON: "I'm Giuseppe."
CONAN: "Unfortunately."
GM: "Oh…you're the hero of the hour."
GRAYSON: "Yes I am…"
GM: "No wait, you weren’t there."
GRAYSON: "No, I wasn’t."
GM: "Good you took credit for it though."
CONAN: "He was so willing to accept it."
GRAYSON: "I’m the hero of something, for the hour."

GM: "They pour wine. It’s white."
MIKE: "Ugh…White?"
BRAD: "YOU'RE BLIND! How would you know? It’s not BRAIL WINE!"

_________________
“I despise stallions. I ride them as I ride an ugly noble women--smiles for appearances and politics only. Stallions. All personality with no depth. They prance like ponies and trot with arrogance. I always say, respect your mules most of all. A stallion may lead with the king and gather the eyes, but a mule will follow behind…and carry your kingdom.”
Tsarevick Kazaan
Amethyst D20
Image
http://www.diasexmachina.com


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 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Great Game Quotes
PostPosted: Sun May 20, 2012 5:23 am 
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Posts: 106
Ivan Anderson to the idea of infiltrating through the airducts:
"Airducts... Tight, Cramped and not built for russians."


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